Nobody is perfect. Half of all married people have engaged in infidelity at least once. Are you so sure you'd never, under any circumstances, be tempted? One thing I learned over the years is, the affair almost never has anything to do with the "betrayed" spouse. If it did, she (or he) would probably just dump you instead of expending the energy that an affair requires. The fact that they bother to keep it a secret means it's not about you. People have affairs for all sorts of reasons, and one's wife if very likely as crazy and contradictory inside as you are. I know you are crazy and contradictory because everyone is, most of all, the people who think they aren't. Making it all about you and your expectations is a mistake. If you love her, and you evidently do, take her back. It's not worth wrecking your lives over. Tell me you've never been tempted? Not even a little?